then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
