Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
