Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
