I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
