My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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