if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
tell your sister to shave her snatch
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
