At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
