I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All the doctor said was why
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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