She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
