They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
