I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
People with herpes should wear stickers.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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