I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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