I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
