one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
