I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Enjoy the penises
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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