I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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