Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
