I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
