I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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