Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
