I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
