Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
