I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
