ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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