You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
