is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
