whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
