I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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