Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
