i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
