Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
