I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
