So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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