I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
