Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Congratulations! We have a period
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
