So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
