U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
