he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
two words...techno handjob
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we're so committed to being not committed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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