Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
