if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
