Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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