A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
