uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
