Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
