OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
