Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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