remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
