My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
