and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
In America we eat man semen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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