:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
