Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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