I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
