I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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