I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They took my balls.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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