I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
