But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
