I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
