He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
