I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
