he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
