Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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